Healing Your Heart through Loss & Grief

A broken heart is also an open heart. 

Your vulnerability is also your strength.

Do not run from your openness…

Not all relationships are meant to last. There is a time and season for everything under the Sun. The amount of time you invested in a relationship can be perfect for the experience you needed at that particular moment.

Even when life ends, there is rhythm. All perfect lives have only two things: A birth date and an end date. There is a rhythm in all of our relationships. There is always a beginning and end – whether by separation or loss.

There is a spiritual lesson behind the end of any relationship. Our thinking shapes our experience. You can change your thinking by making positive affirmations. It doesn’t mean the loss didn’t occur. It just means we can finally change our thinking around the feeling of our loss. Our pain is one thing. But our thoughts are what allow and add to the suffering.

Affirm: I am letting go of the things, people and places that no longer serve me. The past is behind me. 

Affirm: I am always healing and never alone. 

Affirm: I am moving forward and expect to experience great love in my future.

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Shortly after my ex-fiancé achieved a major success, he began to notice more romantic interests from women and men everywhere. His ability to resist temptation was tested many times while we were together. We would often argue about boundaries, faithfulness, and trust. We eventually came to the conclusion that we would go our separate ways because of this.  However, he told me “You think I’m leaving, but I am not. You think I don’t love you, but I do. I just need time to get my life together.” But, when he announced his new engagement to another woman a few months later with our ring, I was hit with an overwhelming amount of grief, regret, and remorse for all the years of not standing up for myself. I never had a chance to sit with this reality because he would always come back while feeding me beautiful words to hold on to in the process. I realized I had been suffering from“disenfranchised grief” and it was time to intentionally heal. This chapter is closed and I completely accept it.

The Counseling Collective FW on Instagram_ “Disenfranchised grief is a loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned, in other words, a loss where…”

Besides what others may think of my past relationship, I accept both processes of my unconditional loving and final moments of grieving.  I never had time to fully mourn the loss of our relationship in the past. I just kept smiling and covering my pain with distractions. While I may feel angry and betrayed, I do not know the journey of anyone else besides myself.

I accept the fact that if we are not together, it just means that we are longer meant to be in one another’s life.

We each have our own individual plans for our life.

I am taking responsibility for my own healing.

I am also happy I am now taking the time to honor my pain, despite how difficult it may be. We must move on in order to change. We cannot change our past. We only have the ability to make changes for our future.

By accepting that this chapter is closed; it allows me to make sure I will not take another 7 years to end a chapter that should have ended long ago. Grief should not remain too long on the shelf. It will consume you and become one with you. You can move from grief to peace. You can heal your losses and move forward. It doesn’t have to hurt for the rest of our lives. Healing takes time, but you can build a new foundation. I will honor the love we shared, but refuse to get stuck in one feeling. Grief before peace is necessary. Healing your heart is about finding acceptance and understanding you deserve to move forward in peace. It’s so important to want peace. Here are a few steps to help with moving on:

  1. Clear your baggage (acknowledge, accept and let go of your feelings) 
  2. Recognize he/ she is not the one for you. (the right person will not trigger any doubts in your relationship) 
  3. Share with your close friends. (don’t try to go through this process alone) 
  4. Reduce contact with him/ her. (block out social media and any forms of communication for a while) 
  5. Seek closure with him/ her. (if there are questions you need answers to) 
  6. Forgive him/ her. (First, forgive yourself. Hanging on to grievances prevent happiness from entering your life) 
  7. Do the things you love. (find your passions and pursue them) 
  8. Meet new people. (Reject the idea of long periods of isolation. Get out into the world and take opportunities to get to know others) 
  9. Know there is nothing wrong with you. (the season is over and it’s okay.) 
  10. Recognize there is someone out there for you. (live your best life – it’s only a matter of time before your paths cross) 

No matter what, be easy on yourself. Grief, loss, heartache, and break-ups are all apart of life. Take the time you need to heal. You will survive and things will eventually get better.

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