I found who I truly was by finding out what motivated me at the end of the day.
Your motivations are the reasons you act in a particular way. To be an addict is to claim devotion to something. My motivations were the things I was devoted to.
In my process of self-discovery I have found that I have 3 addictions:
Food, Family and LOVE.
Food is my comfort. I can become preoccupied with food, flavors and cravings. The taste and textures I like become addictive to me. In times of stress, I’ve turned to food for peace. Also, food has also been a cultural reference for me. My family bonds over food. When times are hard, we “break bread together.” We have dinners over births, weddings and funerals. We have family outings over dinner to celebrate new chapters in life. Food brings fond memories and good feelings. Food also plays a major role in how I identify with others. When reflecting on memories, I remember the great meals I’ve had in community. I remember certain feelings that were invoked when I ate certain foods. I don’t do drugs and I am not too fond of alcohol, but it’s quite hard for me to turn down a meal that looks, smells and tastes delicious to me. I love food.
Family is the first community I’ve ever known. Hard times and tragedy has brought us closer together over the years. As a community organizer, I am motivated in my work by family. There is no academic text or no policy analysis that can overceed the passion of protecting family. My mother is the backbone of our family. Now that I am a mother, I identify with her on an even deeper level. She keeps us grounded and helps us in our times of need. My mom is down-to-earth, humble but still knows her worth. She has instilled values in me that has taught me to love myself beyond superficial standards. She pushes me to acknolwedge my self worth and have boundaries. I love my family.
Love have always been a motivating factor in my life. I was taught that the essence of Love is God and that God is Love. So, every since I was a child it was an self-obligatory need of mines to act in love. I’ve had relationships that I was blinded by love. I’ve allowed myself to make both foolish and wise decisions out of love. But most importantly, my daughter was born out of love. The desire to love and be loved. A mother’s love is unmatched because it’s the closest thing next to God. I am a vessel of love.
Everything I do is motivated by my needs and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect them. They are my drugs. I am high on life with them. I only get drunk in my emotions because of them. Once I realized I already had everything I could ever need or want, my whole perspective in life changed.
How is your perspective shaping your habits, motivations and addictions?
If I am well fed and nutritioned… I have no reason to consume toxins.
If I have a family who loves/ supports me… I have no reason to indulge in toxic relationships.
If I am loved abundantly…there’s no reason I should place myself in toxic situations.
It’s all a matter of perspective and it’s all relational. You are the master of your own thoughts. Your thoughts motivate you.
If it’s not about putting food on your family’s table, protecting the sacredness of care in your village or loving one Self and others, then what does it matter anyway?
In anything and all things, always ask yourself, what’s motivating me?